The Klutz Stroke

So, the doctor recommends against running (more on that later). He also recommends against weight bearing activities that may cause lateral pressure on my knee. But, I need to keep in shape. And, yes, I know that round is a shape, but I am not OK with that. I decided that I am going to get in the pool.

The thing is, I haven’t swum in years. Aside from not being sure if I am still buoyant, I have no suit. Andrew asked me if I wanted to order one on line, but I am all about instant gratification. Off to Targe I went – not a misspelling, the second T on the store is out – I wandered around the store for about 5 minutes before coming to the conclusion that if I was going to find a swimsuit amongst the sweaters, wool socks and parkas I was going to need some help. I pulled over someone in a red shirt and khakis and asked where the swimsuits were – here’s a suggestion, if you don’t want to be mistaken for a Target worker don’t wear that color scheme when shopping there. I found someone actually employed at Targe and asked again. The woman looked at me like I had absolutely lost my mind. Then she explained that it was winter. I did not correct her because it would not have fixed my swimsuitlessness.

OK, off to the mall.

I started off at Sears and slowly made my way through every floor, store, kiosk and restaurant in the very large Vancouver Mall (I am using “large” loosely and “very” inaccurately). As I was making my way through the mall I would see in the distance the names of stores that I felt should have carried swimsuits and was very disappointed when I would find they did not.

I am not certain why Wet Seal doesn’t sell swimsuits. I feel like with that name it should be swim gear or surfing gear or anchovies.

Pac Sun actually got my heart rate up when I saw it I totally thought they would have swim suits here. Then there was the following – which considering I can’t work out or play anymore would have been the best place for me to find my replacement workout clothes. Unfortunately, they did not name this store in honor of my inability to play sports for a while.

(Aside – it was really difficult to get this shot because there was a kiosk person, who I was clearly not taking a picture of, who stood up, got into the frame, and asked me in the sort of voice that indicated I was engaging in inappropriate behavior just exactly what I thought I was doing. Well, I was taking pictures of not you, so sit down and get out of the way.)

And another dead end.

Apparently, swimming is not a sport. Also, apparently, Just Sports is for sports watchers not players. I could tell by the overabundance of XXXL sizes.

No, I did not actually expect to find a swimsuit at Radio Shack. But, to be fair, I did not expect to find a Radio Shack still operating.

I finally, in a last ditch effort, went into Nordstroms knowing full well that they would not have swimsuits and that even if they did they would be WAY too pricey.

I walked in and a sales clerk approached me right away. “I know this is a long shot and the answer is probably no, but do you guys have bathing suits?”

“Actually, yes we do. They are downstairs in our active and swim wear section.”

Ah, Nordstrom’s to the rescue!

Only, not really.

I am all for bedazzling but not in areas that might get chafed during the front crawl. I asked the sales clerk there if she would recommend any of the suits for actual swimming.

“No. These are bathing suits. You would just want to dip your toe.”


I ended up ordering online. The sizes made no sense to me. I ordered my suit too small. Eventually, I just went to Dick’s and bought a suit. 

I can now swim 1K – that’s a lot in swimming!