Bacon Sublime to Sublimation

I am a total catch.

Whenever Andrew leaves I like to make sure that the day he gets back the house is clean there is something delicious in the oven and there are fresh sheets on the bed. There is something very welcoming about getting into your own bed with fresh sheets.

While he has been gone I have been painting furniture (I have had paint on my hands since February 24) and slowly but surely figuring out where my stuff goes in the house. I am still sorting through what to keep and what to get rid of. I made another trip to Goodwill today (I have given enough stuff to Goodwill this year that my deduction will be more than my earnings for 2012). Also, I have broken more glasses since January than in my entire life combined. So, it is a good thing I have kept all the glasses and dishes – it seems gravity will sort out which ones we keep.

I spent today cleaning the house. It’s not immaculate, but it will do. Partially I do it because it is nice to come home to a clean house, and partially I do it because I don’t want Andrew to see how messy I am… though, he’s seen my car so I am sure he has an idea.

The cleaning I did was mostly in the kitchen. I cleaned the trap under the microwave – I didn’t even know the trap existed prior to having cleaned it today. Our microwave sits over our stove. Apparently the creators of this method of microwave/stove kitchening have decided that it is too easy to just wipe the bottom of a microwave after cooking so they created a trap underneath the microwave that will collect grease. At first I thought it might be in order to put the lights in over the stove; but, the wattage of those bulbs is so meager they had to be an after thought – I prefer to cook by candlelight so I can see what I am doing and strain my eyes less.

Honestly, I have no idea how the grease even got in there. I understand that oil can pop, but this wasn’t splatter. This was bacon practically reconstructed in a one inch space under the microwave. My first thought was that Andrew was hiding bacon from me – but there were screws involved so that was unlikely. No, sublimation is the only possible answer.

The trap has two removable mesh screens – one over each set of two burners. I pulled those out and cleaned them until the paint came off my hands.

Note to microwave/stove kitchening designers: try cleaning the parts you design. They are ridiculous – not just the mesh but there is also a vent that has more structural protection in it than the entire house. It is practically impossible to clean these things efficiently.

With my now manicured hands, fresh sheets laid, kitchen clean and diner cooked, it is time to go get Andrew. And I am …. well, I am exhausted and have a slight chemical headache.

A real catch, I am.