Off I’m Going to Shuffle

I am on vacation!

That may not sound like a big deal, but I haven’t been on vacation in years. Oh sure, Andrew and I went to Colorado recently, but I was working from there. Austin – also a work trip. Otherwise, prior to this job I had been a contractor for so long, that when I went anywhere it wasn’t vacation so much as “temporary unemployment”.

But now I am on a bona fide, only-checking-work-emails-because-I-have-a-problem-relaxing-not-because-it’s-expected vacation!

It started on Saturday at way-too-early o’clock. When I purchased the tickets to fly out to Buffalo I went for cheap not convenient. My flight out was at 6:30 AM. Andrew was over the moon about getting up at 4:45 to get me to the airport (where is the sarcasm font in WordPress?). Once at the airport I felt like a seasoned traveller. I knew to go through the D gate security for speed even though my flight was from C. I had everything packed in a carry on. I had easy-to-remove shoes and did not even bring my laptop (though my iPad and iPhone are ready to receive work emails should something urgent happen while I am on vacation). The guy in front of me, was less than seasoned; in fact, one might call him unsalted. We got to the security conveyor belt and security guard asked the guy if he had a laptop (easy guess as he had a laptop case).

Unsalted: Yes

Guard: You need to remove that and put it in a separate bin. Do you have anything in your pockets?

Unsalted: Yes

Guard: You need to remove that and put it in a separate bin. (Incredulously:) Do you still have your shoes on?

Unsalted: Yes

At this point I just snorted and expected the next question to be “Do you have an assault weapon?” I can understand not being used to traveling, but you’d have to have been living under a rock to not know you need to empty your pockets and take your shoes off at airport security.

I got to my gate fairly swiftly and zoned out (foreshadowing font) for about 10 minutes before they started boarding the flight. I was flying Southwest and had forgotten to check in at 24 hours before but had still managed to get an ‘A’ boarding assignment, lucky (this is more foreshadowing)! Even more lucky is that when I got on board the front seat row had a space available. Sure, it was a middle seat, but I don’t mind because I hate waiting for other passengers to get off the plane more than I love comfort during the flight.

Me: Is that seat taken?

Guy who is about to be the world’s biggest dick head: Really?

Me: Yes, please?

Dick: This flight is half full and you want to split up a couple (I should have been paying attention to my “luck” a bit more closely).

Me: Oh, it’s half full, I hadn’t noticed. Sorry, I just like to sit up front (and I started making my way down the aisle some more).

Dick: Well maybe you should have done your check-in earlier then.

Me: (I found a seat by the window only two rows back, yay!) Wow, I sure hope you are at the end of your trip, that would be an awful attitude to start your vacation with.

Dick who is about to become an asshole: Well, I fly 250 days out of the year and I see people like you all of the time (emphatic shittiness being spat out in every word).

Me: Well, then you’d think you’d have learned how to deal with people like me better by now.

Lady sitting in aisle seat of my row, obviously trying to make up for the Dickhole’s behavior: Wow, I love your glasses! Are you going on vacation? What a cool backpack you have! Is that make-up on your face? You are SO pretty….

When I relayed this story to Andrew (who caught up with me in Buffalo at 11PM Eastern time) he was rather impressed that I’d almost come to blows with another passenger. Honestly, it’s not my fault. I am super nice when I travel. But, that is mostly to overcome my own desire to strangle everyone who is irritating.


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